crazy pants

i feel like a total crazy pants today. work is insanely busy and fast and chaotic. i drove to petaluma tonight for an hour to have dinner with my friend, then i drove back and was almost falling asleep as i drove but now i'm super awake and unfocused and kinda all over the place.

the weird thing is that i feel totally ok. i know i'm acting kinda weird and silly, but it feels really good. i'm listening to lupe fiasco and playing around on the computer and looking up weird things for sale on ebay. i'm a little obsessed with buying things right now. i'm also taking surveys to try to win money. ok. that is all for now.

R.I.P.

today, someone very cool died. my friend's mom passed away today and i don't know how to deal with it. death is really hard for me to deal with. i feel lost. i don't know what to do. i don't even know what to really say about it. i feel like i'm bottling things up and i don't know how to let them out. i can't seem to focus on stuff. i feel really on edge. it's not like my friend lives super far away, but....i didn't go up this weekend, like i thought i was going to. i dunno. i don't know what to do for my friend either. i feel like i'm hiding. i don't know what to do. i just feel so lost. shit sucks right now and there is nothing i can do to make it better. i just need to be in this moment when all i want to do is run away from it.

tribe 8 says vote no on prop. 8

new job. week 1

it's been an interesting week at my new job. i have been lucky enough to have been able to work from home for part of the time, so it was a nice way to ease into working full time again. i also got to do some physical stuff since we had to paint the inside of the youth center. it has definitely been an adjustment for me to have a daytime job again. i really like being a night owl and now i have to get up early for work, but i guess i have been doing the morning thing and being a night owl for the past year with all my work and school. i dunno. i just don't like working. i just want to play all the time. but alas, i can't. at least i like my new job and my new boss is great. all in all, i have nothing to complain about. i just need to get situated with work so i can begin doing other stuff.....like art and learning to fight.

revolutionary? me?

oh yeah, one more thing, a friend of mine sent this to me.....

Virgo August 23-September 22
You are revolutionizing your partnership patterns, learning how to empathize without over-identifying. This is not an easy task, but you are up to the challenge of finding the positive ground of compromise.

interesting....very, very interesting. it sounds really promising. i like it.

problem solver and then some

so the problem with work has been solved! if you want to donate to a great youth center that is starting up in richmond, ca....click here. also, apparently i keep wanting to over commit myself so i agreed to help with this. the geeky side of me keeps winning out and getting me involved in weird nerdy projects.

boring work frustrations

so i am supposed to be adding a credit card function to the website of my new job. but i have encountered a huge problem that i don't know how to handle. well first of all this is *way* beyond my skill level, but as with all jobs, i am giving myself a crash course in how to do this. but what i've found is not good. basically i need an ecommerce plugin or addon but the CMS system that we are using does not have one! argh! i don't know how to code, so i can't just create something. i am pretty good at piecing things together, but when i don't have all the pieces, then it's just really impossible. i tried calling my geeky friends, but one is unavailable due to school and homework and the other has to study for a test tomorrow and doesn't really know much about CMS systems. this is my one big task that *needs* to be done this week, and i can't do it! fuck! i guess i really need to work hard to earn my new paycheck......