i feel like a total crazy pants today. work is insanely busy and fast and chaotic. i drove to petaluma tonight for an hour to have dinner with my friend, then i drove back and was almost falling asleep as i drove but now i'm super awake and unfocused and kinda all over the place.
the weird thing is that i feel totally ok. i know i'm acting kinda weird and silly, but it feels really good. i'm listening to lupe fiasco and playing around on the computer and looking up weird things for sale on ebay. i'm a little obsessed with buying things right now. i'm also taking surveys to try to win money. ok. that is all for now.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
R.I.P.
today, someone very cool died. my friend's mom passed away today and i don't know how to deal with it. death is really hard for me to deal with. i feel lost. i don't know what to do. i don't even know what to really say about it. i feel like i'm bottling things up and i don't know how to let them out. i can't seem to focus on stuff. i feel really on edge. it's not like my friend lives super far away, but....i didn't go up this weekend, like i thought i was going to. i dunno. i don't know what to do for my friend either. i feel like i'm hiding. i don't know what to do. i just feel so lost. shit sucks right now and there is nothing i can do to make it better. i just need to be in this moment when all i want to do is run away from it.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
new job. week 1
it's been an interesting week at my new job. i have been lucky enough to have been able to work from home for part of the time, so it was a nice way to ease into working full time again. i also got to do some physical stuff since we had to paint the inside of the youth center. it has definitely been an adjustment for me to have a daytime job again. i really like being a night owl and now i have to get up early for work, but i guess i have been doing the morning thing and being a night owl for the past year with all my work and school. i dunno. i just don't like working. i just want to play all the time. but alas, i can't. at least i like my new job and my new boss is great. all in all, i have nothing to complain about. i just need to get situated with work so i can begin doing other stuff.....like art and learning to fight.
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