cranky pants

so i keep hearing about people i know doing/being self-destructive and it's really bothering me. part of me wants to shake them really hard and another part wants to just ignore them. i don't know if it's just bringing up old stuff within myself or what. all i know is that it aggravates me and i don't know what to do about it. i guess i just have to be patient and let people go through what they are going through. part of me wants to fix it for them, but that is not something that i can/should do. i feel selfish because things are going well in my life and i feel so impatient that other people's lives are not. i dunno. maybe i just need to not be around people right now. i am going through some major life transitions again. maybe i just need to focus on me. but that makes me feel selfish as well. argh. i dunno. the prospect of having time to myself in the not too distant future is making me a little impatient. i just need to relax. i am such a cranky pants and it's annoying me. i guess that is the root of all this. i just need to learn to relax again. i need to take care of myself. i know what i need to do to do that, but i don't have the time right now. in a few weeks, everything will be different. i guess i'll just have to wait it out.

2 weeks

i gave my two weeks' notice at both of my jobs. i am going to be delving back into the non-profit world. i know that i don't have to stay there, but right now it's what i need. i'm going to be back to a m-f, 9-5 gig. which means, hopefully, that i will have time to see all my lovely friends again. also, i can hopefully have time to do some art and have some time to myself. i've been burning the through the last year or so and haven't really stopped. i think now is a good time for me to re-center myself and not be so insane. it's gonna be really different going from 12-16 hour days to a normal 8 hours a day. weird. but all in all it will be good. and also, with this new job, i have promised someone cable in the house, so i have to deliver. things are levelling out....