Wednesday, June 17, 2009
personal fulfillment?
what do i want to do that will give me personal fulfillment? that seems to be the overarching question that i need to answer in order to not be so angry. i'm tired of being angry. it's getting really old. i need to stop flipping out for no reason. it's ridiculous. but what is it that i want to do? i have no idea. when i was younger, i had ideas. thoughts and dreams. these days, i look out at my future and i see a void. i have no idea what i want to be. where i want to go. it's just a vast nothing. i have no direction. no inkling of an idea of what i should pursue next. i also just feel very empty. i feel like i don't really have anything that is mine. i have no idea what happened. it seemed like not so long ago, i had gained back a lot that i had lost. but now i seem to be back in the nothing. i have no space that is mine. no physical space. no emotional space. i feel like i keep giving and giving and i'm not getting anything back. i'm running on empty and i don't know how or where to stop to fill up.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
when was the last time i woke up happy?
i really can't remember the last time i woke up happy. every day it seems i wake up filled with anxiety and stress. i don't know what to do. i feel paralyzed. i need to change my life, but i don't know what to change. i feel like i've been moving through sludge. i can't focus. geezzus. this is lame. it seems i only write depressing ass posts. i'm tired of this. i'm really, really tired of this.
Monday, June 15, 2009
really fitting
so my horoscope for this week really fits my state of being.....
VIRGO (August 23-September 22): I hinted at this last week, Virgo, but I'd like to make it the central point of your horoscope for this week: If there's a part of you that's a bit (or more than a bit) fed up with feeling like somebody else has been setting the agenda for what you ought to be concerning yourself with, I encourage you to position this fed-up-ness in center stage of your consciousness. Let it be fuel for you to redefine the terms of what occupies the bulk of your daily thought processes. Let it motivate you to push the 'reset' button on how you allocate your energies, so you may start from some veritable level of scratch and methodically reorient yourself to what you find important. Maybe you've been so caught up in workplace drama that it's taken over your leisure time, too? Put a stop to that immediately, by replacing those off-the-clock with worries with the activities you consciously decide are most important, meaningful and inspiring to you. Perhaps you're healing from a broken heart, or are presently embroiled in a situation that's still in the process of breaking it? You needn't permit it to take over every moment of your life, particularly if you're aware there's now a gaping hole that needs to be filled with something upbeat and perspective-shifting that'll give you a reason to anticipate a lighter future. Ultimately, this counsel is about boundaries… about encouraging you to make the willful choice, to draw a line around the circumstances that have taken up way too much space recently, penning it safely into a corral it cannot escape from except when you purposely open the gate, and buying you back ample territory to fill with other circumstances you simply like better.
VIRGO (August 23-September 22): I hinted at this last week, Virgo, but I'd like to make it the central point of your horoscope for this week: If there's a part of you that's a bit (or more than a bit) fed up with feeling like somebody else has been setting the agenda for what you ought to be concerning yourself with, I encourage you to position this fed-up-ness in center stage of your consciousness. Let it be fuel for you to redefine the terms of what occupies the bulk of your daily thought processes. Let it motivate you to push the 'reset' button on how you allocate your energies, so you may start from some veritable level of scratch and methodically reorient yourself to what you find important. Maybe you've been so caught up in workplace drama that it's taken over your leisure time, too? Put a stop to that immediately, by replacing those off-the-clock with worries with the activities you consciously decide are most important, meaningful and inspiring to you. Perhaps you're healing from a broken heart, or are presently embroiled in a situation that's still in the process of breaking it? You needn't permit it to take over every moment of your life, particularly if you're aware there's now a gaping hole that needs to be filled with something upbeat and perspective-shifting that'll give you a reason to anticipate a lighter future. Ultimately, this counsel is about boundaries… about encouraging you to make the willful choice, to draw a line around the circumstances that have taken up way too much space recently, penning it safely into a corral it cannot escape from except when you purposely open the gate, and buying you back ample territory to fill with other circumstances you simply like better.
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