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day off

so i know that today was a holiday, but i didn't think about how it was the fourth of july. i had a lot of options for plans, but even though i didn't do what i thought i was going to do today, it was an great day off. got to have coffee with a friend then came home and promptly took a nap. got up to got bbq hopping. it was nice to just hang out with really good people. got to meet some new folks, see some old folks. didn't think at all about what this day 'means'. just got to spend time with my community and framily.

i did spend some time reading some interesting feminist blog this morning called feministing. i dunno how i feel about it yet. but it's interesting. i've been kind of a voracious reader recently. spending hours in the treehouse reading and napping. it's been really nice. i can be alone and lonely and not freak out. i've had really good, strong conversations and connections with people. it's been really awesome.

i've also noticed a drastic change in my relationship with my parents. i'm not feeling guilt when i'm around them. i actually was able to joke with my mom and make her laugh. i haven't heard her laugh in the last 14 years. it's really nice. i realized how much shit i brought into my interactions with my parents and now i'm letting that go and just being in the moment with them. what happened in the past, has happened and there is no changing it. i can't hold onto it forever. the past won't change. i can only be present and work towards a future.

anyways, i feel like i'm being really self-involved on this blog, but i guess that's what it's for right now. it is what it is. so it goes.