hormonal boi

so i hate being a boi who bleeds. every fuckin' month i feel like i'm losin' my fuckin' mind. one minute i'm totally calm, then i'm angry, then i'm sad, then i'm horny. it sucks. i hate it. but at the same time, i'm scared of taking T. i mean, i've heard about T rage and i've been on steroids before and have had some steroid rage. but i guess things are different now. i'm not so angry anymore. i think i've dealt with a lot of my anger. but then with t a lot of other things change. i don't want to smell different. i don't want to not be able to self-lubricate. but at the same time, i want the other physical changes. i want to grow facial hair. i want my voice to drop. i want a different distribution of fat. i guess it's just been weighing on my mind a lot. i need to come out to my parents first and i don't know how i'm gonna do it. it's not like they don't know. it's just that i have to tell them. gr. i'm also just scared, to be honest. there is no going back. i guess i still need to work some stuff out for myself.