crazy on a theremin

um, wow. this is so weird and cool.

solstice

"In pre-historic times, summer was a joyous time of the year for those Aboriginal people who lived in the northern latitudes. The snow had disappeared; the ground had thawed out; warm temperatures had returned; flowers were blooming; leaves had returned to the deciduous trees. Some herbs could be harvested, for medicinal and other uses. Food was easier to find. The crops had already been planted and would be harvested in the months to come. Although many months of warm/hot weather remained before the fall, they noticed that the days were beginning to shorten, so that the return of the cold season was inevitable." Link

so i wanted to celebrate the solstice this year and it was kind of a last minute deal, so i texted everyone i knew. i decided that i want this day to be a new beginning, since it is the longest day of the year. i wanted to celebrate the sun and the energy it provides to all living things. so i decided that the best way to do that would be to go out and enjoy the sunset at the beach. i wanted this to be a new beginning for me. i've had a rather stressful last few months and today was a great way for me to put positivity and beauty forward into my life. not to say that i haven't learned a lot about myself in the past few months, but today was a time to reflect and enjoy.

i gathered a small crew and we met up at alameda beach. we talked and laughed and just enjoyed each other's company. it was so beautiful to see the sunset. i haven't really seen one in a while and it was beautiful. i had my polaroid camera, so i took some pictures. everyone had a great time. we then capped off the night by going to la pinata in alameda for dinner. it was so nice to be so relaxed and comfortable, surrounded by framily.

i have realized that taking care of all of me is a lot of work. there are so many different parts to me and i have done a lot of digging and searching and working on myself. today was a day to celebrate the work that i have done, but also to reaffirm that this is a lifelong process and not a quick fix. it was a way for me to take care of myself but also to re-commit myself to the work that i have started doing on myself. the sun really is a life force for all things on earth and it was my way of paying homage to the greater powers in life. i feel honored to have such a great life and such a great community and family to surround me. every moment is a learning experience and i am committed to learning from all of them.

i realized....

my response to stress is to just cry. that's really productive. meh. at least i know how i react to situations. i guess there is that. it is what it is.

furries getting hyphy?

note to self

recommendation
by mirah

Before you left to go away
I wrote down what i couldn't say
I bet you read it on the road
With foggy lights and fingers cool

Now you drove so far but now you know
How rough it is to let me go
And let me recommend that you think twice
And i always give the best advice

Now come on back to where you know i'll be
Lets' go sit under the apple tree
You can floor that thing, let the engine roar
The wheels they'll spin, the rain it pours

And there's regret that you feel
About the choice you've made
You'll just have to deal
Before it goes away
You ask me how i feel
And here's what i'll say that
I'm doing fine, just fine
I'm doing fine

apparently i needed to cry....

so i watched ma vie en rose again.

stick shift

it's really interesting to me that at least 4 people i know right now really want/need to learn how to drive stick shift. something is definitely in the air this year for change and growth and learning. anyways, a friend of mine asked me to teach him to drive stick. so tonight we went out to learn. it was really amazing to me how quickly he picked it up but also i'm impressed with my ability to teach. we drove around the parking lot at big long's and i got him to get into first, second, and reverse. i realized when we started that i only had to teach him the mechanics of driving a stick shift. he already knows how to drive a car, so it was going to be really easy. i didn't really have to think of 'how' i was going to teach him. i just did it. it was awesome. i was even able to laugh at him and i apologized for doing it, but he was like 'no, it's funny. it's supposed to be fun. no stress.' yeah, so the universe and i seemed to be aligned right now. i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing and things are just falling into place. no stress. just be the process.

photograph

due to being in a time warp yesterday at my friend's house. i had to find this song. i also realized that i'm musically stunted from my childhood. i didn't have a lot of music in my childhood. didn't listen to the radio really, didn't have records or tapes really. on road trips, my dad made up listen to neil diamond, julio iglesias, and peter, paul, and mary. mostly just the one tape of peter, paul and mary. in high school i only listened to two tapes, the black album by metallica and guns & roses....for all 4 years. wow. i am so weird.

why i don't go to the castro

so i met up with some friends who came to visit from l.a. they were in the castro, so we went to the mix. which was fine. a small, chill bar. but then we went to badlands. weird. i think the last time i went to badlands was like 10 years ago and they were playing porn on the monitors. now it's all music videos and really 'modern' looking. i have also not been around so many bio males in a really long time. bio white males to boot. it's interesting to see them really act out their privilege. i know it's a bar/club and it's crowded and all, but really, they just plowed into me and my friends without even noticing. it was fuckin' ridiculous. i hate the castro and tonight i was reminded why i don't go there. we also hit up the cafe for a minute, but it was super dead, so we ended up at the lexington. wow. so many hipster, skinny white girls with bad hair. but it was nice to actually be able to talk to my friends and catch up for a bit. but really, why is there so much space for white folks?!?!? where are all the brown folks? where are the spots with cool, chill, down to earth folks of color? are they all hanging out in oakland at their houses? really. this is ridiculous. but i was glad to catch up with my friends. i've missed them the last few times they came up, so i'm glad i got to see them. all in all it was a good night. i just have to remember to not go to the castro.