irresponsible dreams

i really want some more spontaneity in my life. it doesn't have to be big and crazy, just some little sparks to keep life interesting. cuz at this point, i am just constantly daydreaming about being completely irresponsible. like i want to leave work and not come back for days and not call. just kinda disappear. or to just spend a bunch of money i don't have on fancy electronics. or start booking trips and taking them without telling anyone.

but of course, i am too old and too responsible for all that. le sigh.......

a little lost

so i feel a little confused and unbalanced. i feel out of control of my life. i don't feel like i have any time to think about what i want. it's just work, work, work, right now. i want to be able to come up with some personal goals to be able to get some direction in my life. i want to be able to have a complete thought about something that i want in my life, but it seems that i am so overwhelmed and stressed out by work that i can't do anything. when i get home i just want to not think at all. i need to do something to change this cycle. it's getting to be too much. it's not even really living at this point. i'm just moving through the day and not actually in the day. something's gotta change.