ending a beginning

as 2012 winds down, i feel like i have the space to breath and reflect.  this year has definitely tested me in so many ways.  i have had to grow in my leadership at work, tested my balancing of life/work, my relationship has grown stronger through struggle, and i have lived as myself.  it has definitely been one for the books.

my love of myself and for my family, both blood and chosen, has grown leaps and bounds.  standing up for myself and asserting myself has been difficult, stressful and fulfilling.  as i close out this year, i have come out to my parents as trans, proposed to the love of my life, and feel love for myself.  what more could i ask for?

looking forward, i want to continue along my path and along the way have grand adventures.  this next year will be a traveling year.  i want to leave the country at least once for a nice vacation.  i want to get back to doing more artsy things.  i want to have grand adventures in the kitchen.  i want to keep looking forward and looking back only if it serves my moving forward to building a family, buying a home, and having a wonderful life.  here's to 2013 and all the wonder it will bring.

anxious

so anxious and I don't know what to do.  can't eat. can't sleep.  sucks.

gremlins

so last night's dream consisted of me making a crazy new cocktail.  it was called a gremlin and i was trying to make it at this party.  the drink consisted of shavings of chocolate in champagne.  that's it.

so when i woke up i was yelling about gremlins and yelling at the lady to look up that drink online to make sure it was real.

lonely sunday

most of the time i cherish my alone time.  it's time for me to relax and decompress and do whatever i want.  today, however, the alone time is making me antsy.  yet i can't seem to call someone or go out.  i hope this passes soon.  i feel like i don't have any close friends anymore.  no one i can call at the spur of the moment who will be available to me.  i miss that.

movie of my life

all too often the thought of seeing my life as a movie comes to me.  i am so curious about what other people see and think when they see me or interact with me.  what life lessons am i imparting on other people?  also, what life lessons am i learning?  i wanna know what the narrator of my movie would say.  also, who's voice is narrating?

crazy pants

i am going a little nutso.  work is super crazy pants and then on the weekends, i feel lost.  today i had to go to the office and could have stayed all day doing work.  i made myself leave and have been in the house 'relaxing', but it has been unsettling.  i have been fidgety and emotional.  i don't know what's going on.

cycle skating!

saving babies

so last night i dreamt that i saved a baby from some crazy gunman and in the process became/was friends with the criminal minds crew and then we all raised the baby together.  weird.

manly man

it's been a while, and not much has changed.  just working my ass of at the day job.  but today, i fixed our bathroom door!  i feel so handy!  in a job where i push papers all day, it's nice to do something handy and feel like i've actually accomplished something.  yay manual labor!