anti-gay weekend

well, it's pride weekend. and again, i've decided to not do anything. i've been feeling really anti-social recently. i dunno. pride weekend seems like some sort of free pass to drink heavily and act stupid. i dunno. it makes it so acceptable that the "pride parade" is sponsored by budweiser and the like. so all the alterna-queers go to the dyke march or the trans march which is supposedly more political. but honestly, i think it's just more of the same. the dyke march and the trans march may not be sponsored by any major alcohol corporations, but it may as well be. the same shit happens there too. i dunno. i guess i've been wrestling with my identiy again recently. i don't know where i fit in. i feel so unsettled and uncomfortable. i don't know what i want right now, i guess. this post is kind of rambly and all over the place and i guess that is how i feel in general right now. not that anything is particularly 'wrong'. i just feel uncomfortable. i guess i will just try to settle into that feeling and be ok with it.

what what

roasting it up

i am making a pork roast tonight. it's the second roast that i am attempting to make. the first one was beef and covered in a garlicky breadcrumb crust. this one has an herb paste covering it. once again i am roasting it on top of potatoes and onions since i don't have a roasting pan. the first one was delicious. let's hope that this one is just as tasty. my next conquest will be to make a roast on a grill. now all i need is a grill.....

i was on the big screen

so three years ago, i was in a film for a friend of mine. she promised that it was going to be shown in a film festival in san francisco, but it never happened. i kinda forgot that i was in that film till just a few weeks ago, when said friend emailed and said the film was going to be shown! so, last sunday, i trekked to the city and lo and behold a younger, chubbier version of me was huge on a screen! i dunno, it was kinda exciting, but at the same time, i was blushing so hard in the dark theater when i was on the screen. it's weird. anyways, the crowd seemed to enjoy it and thank god, i didn't have to talk in any of it. it was super cute and ended up like and old silent film with the dialogue inserted as stills. anyways, i'm gonna get a copy of it so i can show all my kids and grandkids my movie debut....

begin. summer. now.

so i am getting closer to being a normal human being again. i am finished with my semester and i go an A in my class, so i'm excited about that. i have a new house, which rocks. and now all i am doing is working my two jobs. life is pretty good right now. i just need to call all my friends and hang out with them. i miss my friends. i've definitely been in a bit of a hole with school and two jobs and all. but now i feel like since i only have to work two jobs, then life is more manageable. not to mention the fact that i randomly decided to get drunk tonight. rum and coke is nice. i'm gonna move onto champagne soon. anyways, yeah, i'm getting settled into my summer and i'm pretty happy. i'm gonna schedule a massage soon with my friend. it was supposed to be today, but she overbooked, so i need to figure out another night to do it. i think all i'm missing right now is some real vaction time. i need to figure out how to get out of town for a couple of days. then everything will be right. i've even started walking again. i guess moving close to one of your jobs, helps immensely. i forgot that i actually enjoy walking places. everything is as it should be and i'm grateful for how my life is at this point. i'm getting more comfortable with change, i'm not settling for things in my life and i continually struggle to make myself a better person. i'm taking the opportunities given to me and not taking things for granted. i've even managed to read for leisure already. i've finished dry by augusten burroughs. i guess reading that brought back all my revelations and feelings of cleaning up and sobering up. it's good to be reminded of lessons learned in your past. it keeps those lessons strong and also enables you to see your present situation in a different light. i dunno. i guess i keep going through old lessons to make sure that i've learned them also to add to them through new experiences. i guess, all in all, i love my life and where i'm at. i may not know where i am going, but i'm content to keep going. i guess that is all i can really hope for.

stinky & dirty

gross, but true. i have a confession. apparently i've been so busy and tired and stressed that i now only bathe a few times a week. this really needs to change. it's bad when you can just smell yourself. i wonder if other people have noticed? once this move is done though, i'll be back on the hygienic wagon. i'm so gross.....

bubble and foam

so it's weird. i just spent the last 1/2 hour at my job trying to figure out what size foam and what size bubble wrap to buy for our shipping stuff. it's weird that i am getting paid to figure out how they measure bubble wrap. the nerd in me is really excited about how they measure the bubble in bubble wrap. geez....i need to get a social life.

also, as a side note, why is it 100 degrees out today? it's ridiculous that i slept with all the windows and the door open all night and i was still so hot. it's a good thing i'm working in a cool (as in not hot) warehouse right now.