holiday blues

yep.  the seasons change and so does my mood.  i feel so isolated and alone.  i don't feel like engaging with anything.  all i have managed to do in the past few days is sleep.  not just nap, but sleep the sleep of the dead.  i wake up confused.  how much time has passed?  an hour, a day, a week?  i have no idea.  i guess i have nothing left to give right now....

pudding!

same old same old

it seems like all i write about on this blog is how i am need to change something.  how i feel trapped.  with moments of lucidity where i am in the moment.  maybe i haven't changed as much as i think.  my mind is my greatest asset as well as my greatest torment.

lost

sometimes it's very nice to get lost. today i have gotten lost several times.  i didn't freak out.  i just melted into the joy of getting lost.  i guess it's hard to get lost if your heart feels full and you appreciate your life.  the goal is to be able to carry this with me when i am back in my life and not on vacation.  or is it to take more vacations?

when will i stop dreaming?

when will i start living?

run away!

i need to get out of the bay.  i need something different.  something new.  this same old shit is dragging me down.

korean pizza party

i have no idea what this means, but i'm entranced.