helpless

i don't know what to do. i visited my friend with the sick mom and it was really hard. i was up there pretty much all day today and i just feel like i didn't do anything. i felt so useless and confused. i dunno how my friend is going so strong. i guess she has had the last 10 years to deal with all this. it's pretty amazing. there were 3 of us from the east bay who went up to see her. we basically had a picnic on her bed and just hung out. it could have been any other day almost. we just hung out and tried to be normal. but how can you be normal knowing that her mom is dying in the next room? i feel like there should be something that i should do for her. something to make things easier. something to make things right. but i don't know what right is in this situation. i know it's not for me to make right or fix. i just feel so helpless. i didn't know what to say. i didn't know what to do. i guess things are just like that.

a little bit scared

so my friend's mom has been sick for a while now. i guess it's getting worse. i don't know what to do. i'm gonna go see her tomorrow, but i dunno. i feel weird. i don't know what i should be saying to her. or what i should be doing.

freedom

today begins my first day of freedom. i have one week to screw around before i start my new job and i'm so excited. i worked till 3 am and i haven't gone to bed yet. i stayed up all night watching the rest of pushing daisies. that show is so good! unfortunately now i have to wait until the next season comes out on dvd. but anyways, back to freedom. i have nothing to do and nowhere to go for a whole week. it's gonna be fabulous!

the new fashion

so i was perusing boingboing the other day and i found something really cool. it's done by a youth organization based in the bay. read it here.

who can i call for help?

where am i?

to new york or not to new york

i came up with the brilliant idea to run off to new york next week, but now i'm not so sure i can go. at the time, it was a stroke of genius and the tickets are relatively cheap. the thing is, i'm not sure i have a place to crash. it's bad timing with my friend in new york. i dunno. maybe i should just show up and see what happens.....

i have been really anxious recently and it's kinda making me crazy. that's why running off to new york seems like such a good idea. i dunno. i have no idea what i need right now. i feel like i'm rambling right now. not to many coherent, cohesive thoughts. it's all kind of a jumble in here.