food and framily

today was a definitely emotionally releasing for me, what with the crying all day. so this evening i ventured out in the world....on foot. not knowing what i was doing or where i was going. all i knew was that i couldn't be in the house any longer. i started walking around the neighborhood and wandered to my friend's house. i didn't know if she was even going to be home or if she was busy. i just walked over and knocked on the door. as luck would have it, she was home. i couldn't really form sentences. she invited me in and made me some tea, which i have been wanting since i re-read kitchen. i stayed and chatted and she and a friend made dinner and invited me to stay. they made soup, which was great since i feel like after crying i always need soup to replenish the fluids lost. soup is so comforting like being wrapped in a nice afghan blanket while curled up watching tv during a storm.

we eventually started talking about gender but more about the logistics of gender expression. i realized that since i have lost some weight, my chest is becoming more apparent and my curves are coming back. not to say that it's bad, it just makes me a little more cautious out in public. there is definitely a little more concern for myself when i use a public restroom. i don't wanna bind though. i like breathing too much. i am going to finally get the compression shirt though. i've heard it is uncomfortable, but i need to do something. i hate wearing armour to be out in the world, but my safety is more important. i hate that i even have to think about this. but until the world changes their view, i have to do what i have to do.

anyways, the point is that i'm so fortunate to have such great friends that i can just knock on the door randomly and be welcomed in without any questions or having to have a pretense. i love my friends. i love my framily. i love my community. thank you to everyone who has just been there. everyone i have known in my life has been there at the right moment and i just want to thank you all for being in my life.