life and death

today has been a really stressful day. it started off fine enough. the usual getting up and going to work. i had to sit in on interviews. you know, usual, kinda boring. but ok.

but then something really crazy happened. a man plummeted to his death in the street right in front of my building. the first report we read reported that it was a suicide. that fuckin' triggered a bunch of my own shit. it made me so fuckin' sad. i couldn't believe it. i mean, i've definitely been at the brink. but i've always managed to hold back from crossing that final line. so i understand how you can get to that point. it also made me think that it could have been me. it made me cry. it made me think of all the things i want to accomplish in my life. it made me think about things i'm grateful for in my life. but it also made me want to finish any unfinished business. i don't want to leave without saying goodbye. i don't want to leave people wondering....

i watched as they gathered up his body to put into a body bag and load him into the coroner's van. i saw his face. mangled and still. i saw his shoes which had come off, lying in the street. i saw the blood pool on the street where his head had landed. i saw his friend distraught on the sidewalk.

later on we found out that it was a construction accident and he had fallen from the 14th floor. that doesn't make it better or different.

a man died today in front of my building. and mere hours afterwards, all evidence of it had been washed away. the police line was taken down. the cops and rescue workers gone. the blood washed off the street. no evidence that anything had happened this morning.