enough is enough

there is no safety. there is no comfort. things always fall apart. i have tried so hard to find comfort and safety, but by doing so, things (i) became stagnant, stale. i have been stuck for so long, i don't know how to get unstuck. life is constantly moving and all i can to do is watch it go by. the moments keep passing me by. i just don't know if i have it in me to keep going and that scares me. i'm tired of feeling scared and paralyzed. for a moment there, i thought i was moving, but now it seems that i am falling back. i keep reaching out, but it is so tentatively and full of fear that i withdraw. i can remember a time when i wasn't so scared and i keep trying to reach back to that for strength to move forward, but this faulty brain of mine can't let go. can't let go of the fear. can't let me move forward. somewhere in my 31 years, i shut down and i can't seem to start up again. i have all these great ideas. but that is all they are....ideas. i can't seem to get the energy to follow through on them. i feel like a loser. i know that i'm not, but i can't help feeling like one.

thinking back through my life, i remember feeling like i never fit in. i wasn't cool enough. i wasn't rich enough. i wasn't white enough. i wasn't smart enough. i wasn't skinny enough. i wasn't dressed right.

anyways, sitting on a hill yesterday thinking about life and love, i started writing random shit down. this is one of those things:

enough

if i have the shoes, the clothes, the hair
will that be enough?
if i talk and share and give
will that be enough?
if i love and cherish and hold
will that be enough?
if i listen and support and care
will that be enough?
if i hold on forever
will that be enough?
if i let you go
will that be enough?
if i stand here naked
will that be enough?
if i share my wounds and scars
will that be enough?
if i share all my joys
will that be enough?
if i stand here silent
will that be enough?
i am enough
will that be enough?