what am i?

no really. what am i? a boy or a girl? i just watched the 20/20 special that aired back in april of this year about trans kids. it made me cry. i think i jinxed myself earlier today by saying that i hadn't cried in a while. anyways, watching that show was really intense. it was amazing to see kids so young know what they are and be able to voice it. to put words to it. to demand it. and now to see how amazingly supportive their parents are of them. so i cried. i cried for the courage and strength each of those kids showed in the way they lived their lives. the courage they have for being able to say what they are. to demand respect for that. it also made me really sad for myself. i still have fear. i'm afraid to demand this for myself. i'm sad that i haven't had the courage to show myself to my parents. i'm sad that i can't talk about this with my parents. i'm afraid of talking to my parents about this. i'm afraid that i will never be able to fully be myself. and for all this, i am crying.