50/50

so with all the changes and happenings and transitions in my life right now, i feel 50/50 about all of it. meaning i'm mixed between being excited and fearful. i keep thinking that i should try to up the excitement side of things, but i can't seem to do it. i'm content with it being 50/50. it's a nice balance. there is nothing to freak out about. true, i still have moments of panic, but they are fleeting. and then i just float back to being a bit of both. it's an interesting place to be. i guess this is what it feels like to feel centered. it's only strange feeling to me because it has never happened to me before. i'm a bit of an extremist, so having to sit in the middle is kind of unknown territory. apparently i can go from breakneck speed to calm and relaxed without much issue. it's strange and slightly disconcerting, but i think that is just because it is such a new feeling. how many people can say that they feel centered? is this 'normal'? i'm so used to feeling abnormal and sub-par that it's strange to feel so calm. well, i'm enjoying it and not fighting it. so i'll just go with it for now. i guess it's just life.