wow. so yesterday i realized i have so much shit to get done in the next four months. it's really kind of overwhelming and stressful. but it has to get done. i want to do it. but i also want it to be 6 months from now, after all the work has been done. so after realizing that the next four months of my life is going to be crazy and intense and filled with transitions, i came up with a brilliant idea. it's a huge project and it's gonna take a lot of time. time that i don't really have, but it's gonna happen. i don't want to say it out loud now, so i don't jinx myself. but believe me...it's huge. it's gonna be like giving birth. it's bringing to life a tiny seed of an idea. it kinda scares the shit outta me. it kinda stresses me the fuck out. but yeah, basically it's par for the course right now.
i feel nutty and i'm ok with that. i think i forgot that i can live in the chaos. it's reminiscent of my youth, but now i'm more conscious and thoughtful and intentional. let's just say that i'm more aware than when i was 19. i just wish i had 1/2 of the energy that i had back then. but then again, i guess my 'energy' back then was fueled by mass amounts of narcotics. and i don't want to go back there again. i'm just accepting that i am going to be exhausted all the time. maybe soon i'll get back on coffee, but for now i'm just gonna try to do it 'au natural'. so it goes.
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