Wednesday, June 17, 2009
personal fulfillment?
what do i want to do that will give me personal fulfillment? that seems to be the overarching question that i need to answer in order to not be so angry. i'm tired of being angry. it's getting really old. i need to stop flipping out for no reason. it's ridiculous. but what is it that i want to do? i have no idea. when i was younger, i had ideas. thoughts and dreams. these days, i look out at my future and i see a void. i have no idea what i want to be. where i want to go. it's just a vast nothing. i have no direction. no inkling of an idea of what i should pursue next. i also just feel very empty. i feel like i don't really have anything that is mine. i have no idea what happened. it seemed like not so long ago, i had gained back a lot that i had lost. but now i seem to be back in the nothing. i have no space that is mine. no physical space. no emotional space. i feel like i keep giving and giving and i'm not getting anything back. i'm running on empty and i don't know how or where to stop to fill up.
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1 comment:
hey dude, no need to post this, just reading yr last entry...i dunno. strangely enough it reminded me of that first year i met u. u were dating jez at the time, and living in that house in fruitvale. not soon after had adopted the name connor. i remember we went out to eat alot with ann, and you were dong art projects a bunch. like that art exhibit you did in your house, which i still remember being very cool, and you being excited about starting to do graphic design and fantastic plastic revlution stff...
i also remember the pinata and crab cook off... :)
alot has changed since then, tho it seems like you're dealing with similar issues. my buddy j is rethinking work stuff in his life and getting a career consoler forhis bday. maybe outside support would help
<3 rui
ps: wanna eat something together sometime? might also go to ships tonight...
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