irrationally....

anxious and jealous. i can't shake this feeling and it's kinda paralyzing. i feel like a total nut job. i can't focus. i am lashing out. i'm totally mad at myself for feeling like this. i feel guilty for having these irrational feelings. they are totally unfounded. but for whatever reason i have been triggered. hard. all i want to do is drink into oblivion. do anything so i don't feel anything. cuz if i don't feel anything, then i can't feel hurt. i am too fuckin' old to feel like this. lame.