meltdown

so apparently i cannot drink whiskey for a while. i have been a hot mess all night long. i can't stop crying. i can't stop blaming myself. i can't stop the asian guilt. i've stopped smoking. maybe i need to stop drinking for a while too. i'm totally outta control emotionally. the more i try to 'control' my emotions, the more they take over my life. i have been crying all night and blaming myself and i don't know what to do. and drinking whiskey is not helping matters. obviously. i have now been puking and crying for several hours now. this is ridiculous. i need to take responsibility for myself....and love myself....we'll see. asian guilt runs deep, but i'm working on getting over it. one step at a time.