people leave

but do they ever come back?

june 3

first day of T.  it's been a month and things are going good.  i feel much more leveled out.  more comfortable.  more confident.  not the extreme highs and lows i felt before.  this is a good thing.  now all i have to do is tell my parents.....

having an emo moment today.....

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

my mind is filled....

thinking about a bunch of stuff...

• work
• starting T
• coming out to my parents
• money
• getting served papers

i am exhausted.  i only have so much energy and right now i don't have any.  everything seems like it's too much to handle right now.  i am just spent.  i need to find a way to rejuvenate so i can deal with all this shit.

this too shall pass

i have been so sad and confused today.  i don't know what to do.  i want to go out and see the world and embrace all that it has to offer.  but i can't.  i just stay in my house.  sad.  scared.  confused.

2011

2011 has scrambled my brain.  i feel like i don't know which way is up or down.  i have gotten lost in the recesses of my mind in the last couple of days and have been fighting to get out.  i don't think i've gotten out yet.  it's messy in there.  nothing is logical.  it's all just a blur.

maybe i just need to feel fuzzy first before the clarity comes.

two days in

it's now 2 days into 2011 and i'm just baffled.  time has gone by so fast.  it also doesn't feel like a new year to me.  maybe i'm waiting for lunar new year; when it will be the year of the rabbit.  i still feel like hibernating.  maybe i got overstimulated in vegas.  maybe i'm getting old.  who knows.  we'll see what 2011 brings to me.